How We Could Have Been
by dancinginthesunlight
Summary: AU. In which Adam takes just a few minutes longer to arrive at the coffee shop, and Nick gets to explain things to Gabriel the right way. Spoilers for Secret, written Pre-Sacrifice.


"What happened last night?" Gabriel asked. Nick looked up with at him with confusion, so he clarified, "When you were talking to Hunter."

Nick reeled at the words and Gabriel wondered whether he was on edge because of whatever he was mad about or because of the fight with Tyler or just _because_. This was one of those times when he almost wished he had Nick's power, wished he were able to get a feel for his brother's emotions from the way the air particles reacted to him.

Instead, he got the cold shoulder.

"I don't want to fight with you," Gabriel threw his hands up. "Christ—I don't even know why we _are_ fighting." _And I want to know. More than anything I want things to be okay with us._

But Nick didn't say anything, so he swallowed and added, "You don't have to tell me. I—I wish I knew why you won't."

Something in Nick's expression changed. "I want to tell you," he breathed, and Gabriel nodded, breath bated.

"I probably should have picked coffee when you suggested it earlier."

"Pick coffee now," Gabriel said. Pleaded. Whatever.

"Okay."

Later, when he pulled into a space in front of the first hole-in-the-wall café he saw and stepped out of the car, Nick's shoulders were practically at his ears with tension. Whatever the hell it was he needed to say, it looked like the stress was killing him.

Gabriel wanted to tell Nick to relax, but he didn't want to ruin whatever uneasy truce they'd reached in the past few minutes, so he shoved his hands into his sweatshirt pocket and said, "We can come back out here to sit. Plenty of room."

_And plenty of air._

"It's not too cold?"

There was the old Nick, always making sure everyone else was okay. It _was_ cold, but Gabriel wasn't going to let on. "Nah. I'll hold the table so we don't have to play the twin game."

Gabriel didn't know why he offered. It wasn't just cold out; it was fucking freezing. But he sat outside anyway, alone, preparing himself for the worst.

_I have a terminal illness_, Nick might say. Yeah, right. Nick hadn't been to the doctor since their school physicals last year. And besides, most things that affected 17-year-olds were probably genetic, meaning that Gabriel would have whatever it was, too.

That wasn't a depressing thought.

_The school found out I did all your math homework for five years and I'm getting expelled._

No, they would have expelled him, too.

What the hell could Nick be dealing with that was a _secret_?

_I slept with Layne._

That sounded ridiculous even in his head.

Gabriel rested his head in his hands. He was going to drive himself insane if he kept coming up with these conspiracy theories.

By the time Nick reemerged from the café, holding two cups of coffee and looking like he was about to pass out from nerves, Gabriel had resorted to flicking open a lighter and coaxing the flames to grow for warmth.

"We can go inside," Nick offered, but he sounded reluctant.

"I'm fine. Sit down."

Nick sat. "I—I don't know how to say this."

"Okay."

"And you might be mad, or—whatever, but this is a big deal to me and I want you to—" he stopped, curled his hand into a fist, uncurled it, then curled it again, like he was grappling with how to phrase something, "You don't have to like it, but you have to respect that—"

"Nick, you're scaring me."

Nick shut his eyes. "Sorry. It's just…"

"Just say it," Gabriel said. "Whatever it is. You can tell me. It'll—it'll be okay."

The temperature outside was dropping so rapidly Gabriel could see his breath. Nick looked like he was steeling his courage.

They were on the precipice of _something_ here. Gabriel wanted to reach out, assure his brother that everything was going to be okay, but something told him that might make Nick draw back and shut him out again. So he just sat there waiting, flicking the lighter open and shut with his thumb.

Then Nick spoke.

"I'm gay."

Gabriel felt like something had hit him in the chest. Of all the things he had expected Nick to say, _that_ was not one of them.

"You're…"

"_Gay_," Nick repeated, an edge creeping into his tone. "And if you have a problem with that—"

"Whoa, whoa," Gabriel said, holding a hand up to stop Nick. "Who said I had a _problem_?"

"Forget it."

"No, wait—" Gabriel felt the wind whipping against his face. The electricity in the light overhead hummed with potential. "_Nicky_."

"Don't call me that."

"Fine. _Nick_. Whatever. I don't – I don't care. If you're into guys. Or whatever."

The words came out haltingly, but they were true. He felt _surprised_, sure, caught off guard, but that was it. He wasn't _upset_.

Nick still looked angry.

"What do you want from me?" Gabriel had to struggle not to yell. "I don't care who you screw. I just want you to talk to me."

"Right," Nick spat, "Because you made that _so_ easy."

"Will you please tell me what the hell you're mad at me about?"

Nick got that look in his eyes that meant he was trying to will Gabriel to understand what he meant without actually having to say the words, but this time Gabriel was at a loss.

There was more at stake here than getting in another argument, though, so Gabriel ignored the voice in his head chanting _Nick is gay Nick is gay Nick is gay_ over and over again in shock and instead muttered a quiet, "I'm sorry."

Nick shook his head. "In school," he said finally. "The cafeteria. That time—" he stopped.

"What are you talking about?" Gabriel prompted.

Nick took a deep breath that just about dug a knife into Gabriel's chest. "When you saw that text on my phone. You said that gay guys are creepy."

The words – coupled with the look on Nick's face – twist the knife so hard he feels it grating against his ribcage.

"_Nick_," he said. "I didn't mean—"

"Maybe not, but you still said it!"

"I'm sorry," Gabriel tried. "I'm sorry. I was keyed up about—"

"Nick."

Gabriel whirled around at the voice, half-expecting it to be Tyler coming back for vengeance or Michael coming to yell at them for leaving with the car, but the air temperature rose slightly and Nick's face reddened.

Okay…

He was a tall-ish guy with tanned skin and dark hair and from the way Nick was looking at him with emotion practically pouring out of his eyes there was _something_ going on there.

_That time in the cafeteria. You said gay guys are creepy. _

What had that been in response to? A text on Nick's phone. From…

"Adam," the guy said, extending a hand. A little hesitantly, maybe, but he shook firmly.

"Gabriel."

"I figured," the guy – Adam – said. The corner of his mouth quirked upward. "You weren't kidding when you said you were identical," he told Nick.

Nick, who was sitting there watching Adam with more… _adoration_ than Gabriel had ever seen him show for a girl. This felt _right_ in a way that seeing Nick with Quinn hadn't.

Quinn… No wonder Nick had been spending exactly zero time with his so-called girlfriend recently. Gabriel exhaled. One confession from his twin, and suddenly everything that had been going on made sense. _No wonder_ Nick had been so high-strung the past few weeks.

"So," Adam said, and a look passed between him and Nick that Gabriel couldn't interpret. "Can I talk to you?"

Nick glanced up at Gabriel. His voice held a question. "Are we—?"

"We're okay," Gabriel said. "Thanks for… you know. Telling me."

Adam raised his eyebrows. "You…?"

Nick nodded, looking confident with himself for the first time all night. "Gabriel, this is Adam. My…" he hesitated.

"Boyfriend," Adam filled in.

Nick turned scarlet, but he leaned in to kiss Adam quickly, just once, on the lips.

Gabriel smiled. Things weren't perfect.

But they were okay.


End file.
